I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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