She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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