the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
