listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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