Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
