it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
