Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
