guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
