He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
