She said her name was "party"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
