coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
