it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
