2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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