Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
