I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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