i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
