I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
