I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
