so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
