P.S. I can't hear my feet
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
