didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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