Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
