Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
