He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
