Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
