Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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