Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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