I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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