hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
