my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
