My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
