Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
