My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
