I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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