did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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