There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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