Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
