I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
