My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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