So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
