you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
