Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
