Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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