My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
