Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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