Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
