dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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