Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
