Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
