Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
