No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
